January 1991, is missing. There probably was Folio copy for this month. If I ever find it I'll put it in here.
February 3, 1:00 AM Back of the Book In honor of Valentine's Day, Pussifica T. Catt presents coverage of Senator Jesse Helms' Sub-Committee for Right Wing Art (SCRW-Art) concluding its new treaty with the Vatican to stamp out nude paintings by homosexuals. In a symbolic kickoff of their campaign Senator Helms and Pope Weaselpenis XVI spray paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. In a changing lifestyles segment Gomorrah Hussein's personal fortune teller describes the karmic dysentery of unemployment. Your Body Can't Make It, Your Body Can't Keep It Free Form live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
February 17, 1:00 AM Back of the Book In a mid-Winter home improvement segment Itchy T. Echidna interviews Buck Et'O'Ice, inventor of the board stretcher. Hector and Anvil discuss their recent trip to Washington, D.C. to view the Kinky Polaroids exhibit of J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III; they examine his use of the exhibit to ascend to the Throne of the Vice Presidency. Also, Jim Bakker talks about his Valentine's Day activities in jail, and how he much prefers his current surroundings to living with Tammy Faye. Shamanism On The Half Shell Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Back of the Book March 3, 1:00 AM Pussifica T. Catt interviews Ms. Hypatia Kowalewski a mÖbius stripper who, in an act of oral origami, folds bloviations in the form of a bust of Alexander Hamilton. In a metaphysical economics segment Hector and Anvil examine the national heed debt, and explore the need for a heed tax. In the debate segment Hector argues for a punitive heed tax while Anvil advocates ignoring the entire issue and not paying any. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Back of the Book March 17, 1:00 AM Begorrah! The ghost of James Joyce shows how to construct and toss an epiphany bomb. In honor of Earth Day Hector and Anvil play in the mud. Itchy T. Echidna interviews Pope Weaselpenis XVI about his plans to build a new cathedral out of belly button lint, which he plans to collect personally from altar boys around the world. In honor of Women's History Month your host will whine about his lack of history with women. Would issuing them eleven foot poles enhance his chances? Shamanistic Fiddlesticks Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Back of the Book March 31, 1:00 AM Whereas this is really April J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III's Day the program will be conducted with all the dignity it deserves, much like the Ayatollah Khomeini's funeral. Dr. Swizzlenozzle tells Hector and Anvil about his efforts to precisely define the quantity "droves." As our canvas bellies out in the direction of Byzantium we kiss goodbye our libidos as they slip slowly beneath the waves of experience. The radio equivalent of playing in traffic, Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
April 14, Back of the Book 1:00 AM. Okay, a month ago, at Folio deadline, the faucet in my bathroom blows up - at 3 AM. Water all over the place. This posed a great threat to the National Debris Preserve, in which I live. In an effort to prevent the water from ruining the toxic sludge with which my sink is lined I got soaked unnecessarily 3 times, do we detect a learning curve? Water water everywhere, and I began to sink. Due to this disaster I will be unable to render the usual precise description of this program. Instead, the Folio Editor will print nude photos of your host. Sopping Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
April 28, Back of the Book 1:00 AM. In a sports segment, Pussifica T. Catt covers the annual greased pig punt-off between the College of Cardinals and the Electoral College, live coverage of the Separate Church and State Bowl. In a special salute to Spring, Itchy T. Echidna interviews a bunch of fun-loving cetaceans who wear "Nuke The Humans!" T-shirts. They say it's all meant in fun. In a financial segment, Hector & Anvil report on their get rich quick project; an examination of how investing their life savings in high-yield Iraqi war bonds is working out. Pope Weaselpenis XVI, who has issued an encyclical declaring hemorrhoids to be alive beginning at conception, discusses his advocacy of the bombing of proctologists' offices. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
May 12, 1:00 AM Back of the Book In a live remote broadcast Pussifica T. Catt covers the opening of Smoking Crater, the Senator Jesse Helms Library located in Cloaca, S.C. This is the only library in the world in which all books are in a permanent state of combustion. In an economic segment Itchy T. Echidna discusses with Vice President J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III his plan to institute the use of pigeon droppings for U.S. currency. In a bedtime feature Henry Ford takes a nap in his history bunkhouse. FREE ADMISSION TO HELL WITH THIS PROGRAM LISTING! Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
May 26, 1:00 AM Back of the Book Gomorrah Hussein switches from the Bath Party to the Completely Unwashed Party, citing philosophical differences. Hector and Anvil interview a man who has forgotten his name about his latest invention: a metaphysical device for peeling onions from the inside out. Pope Weaselpenis XVI discourses on how to distinguish between a pigeon-hole and a hell-hole, using Manhattan as an example of each. In a report from the dead, Joseph Stalin advocates his own movement for political dissenters: The New Oblivion. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
June 9, 1:00 AM. Back of the Book George Washington had wooden teeth, Peter Stuyvesant had a wooden leg, Douglas Fir makes startling revelations about J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III. Pussifica T. Catt proves through quantum theory that this late in the season Spring becomes spongy. Itchy T. Echidna exposes details of the secret karma recall initiated by Dick and Jain; a jealous Tarzan condemns Jain's lack of action in previous cases of tainted karma. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
June 23, 1:00 AM. Back of the Book We kick off Summer and Gay & Lesbian Pride Week with a salute to those who had the courage to be born naked. Pope Weaselpenis XVI plays his favorite recording of Senator Jesse Helms reciting the First amendment backwards. Molly Molybdenum gives her favorite recipes for sweet and sour toxic waste, as gleaned from the shores of Coney Island. In a Summer Fun featurette Hector & Anvil give complete plans for building an olympic size swimming pool on your own fire escape. Just for laughs the boys give vague hints about water safety to members of the Hydrophobia Society. Politically Incorrect and Sexually Deviant Free form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
July 7, Back of the Book 1:00 AM. As we greet Summer, the bleached bones of deconstructed minimalists disarticulate among crumbled sand castles as horseshoe crabs, whose species is older than the oceans they crawl at the edges of, find only disappointment for their mandibles. A drastic sunburn. Pussifica T. Catt defends his right to wear a fur coat on a nude beach. In another segment a beach defends its right to remain nude in the face of efforts by Senator Jesse Helms to force its clothing. Free Form Live Radio by the Beachless R. Paul Martin.
July 21, Back of the Book 1:00 AM. We begin our Summer serial "The Crimson Sphincter" Chapter 1: The Invasion of Fistula Valley! In a sports segment, Itchy T. Echidna sits in a locker room to record sweaty women telling tales of their outrageously long, thickly veined clitorises. Also, a visit to a Karma Pirates' flea market. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
August 4, Back of the Book 1:00 AM. In Chapter 14 of our serial, the Crimson Sphincter battles Hemor of the Rhoids to rescue Princess Prolapse from the evil Rim Queen. Pope Weaselpenis XVI unveils the new initiation rites for altarboys. At issue: the expense of the blessed lubricating jelly which can only be bought from the Pope. Your host describes the new medical procedure by which he has reacquired his virginity. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
August 18, Back of the Book 1:00 AM. In the smashing, cheek to cheek end of our Summer serial, the Crimson Sphincter battles the Rhoids for possession of the Atomic Enema. Meanwhile Merde discovers the hiding place of the Sacred Laxative. Don't miss "The Cave of Flatulence!" From the WBAI Mental Health Dept., Hector and Anvil demonstrate the use of the Id scrubber. Meanwhile the U.S.S.R. (Unconcerned Slightly Solipsistic Republics) declares that it was the first to say "Communism Sucks." Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday September 1, Back of the Book Despite THEIR worst efforts, tonight we celebrate the Fifth Anniversary program of Back of the Book! In true ritualistic fashion we'll read Franz Kafka's "Before the Law," and yak a little about the five years we've survived through together. Also, as part of his "Crime Pays" series, Pussifica T. Catt interviews Mike Tyson about some of his early purses which he took in bouts against elderly women, and Presidential Son Kneel Bush who describes how to knock over a bank and get away with it. Sundrified shenanigans on a program few imagined we'd ever get to. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday September 15, Back of the Book The last gasps of summer can be heard on this program. Or is that just the economy? Itchy T. Echidna interviews Mr. Pumpkinhead, Chairflora of the Quayle '96 Committee, about his candidate's chances of finding his own buttockal appendages with both hands now that his daddy has donated a flashlight to the campaign. Pope Weaselpenis XVI reveals his latest plot to raise money for the Vatican: karma insurance. In this segment the Porcine Pontiff debates leading karma pirates about the efficiency of this business plan. A mythical figure, whose voice will be altered to ensure anonymity, will moderate the debate. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday September 29, Back of the Book Autumn is finally upon us; moments of darkness now outnumber moments of light. Featured: Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina vs. Alice from Wonderland in the best two falls out of three. At issue: the burning of all books ever printed. In a related report the Cheshire Cat defecates corpo-cogs for the prurient amusement of disembodied Managerial Entities. Half time festivities will include ditties from the Fistula High Glee Club. Hector and Anvil interview a man who doesn't speak to anyone, but is willing to wear a necktie for a fee. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday October 13, Back of the Book Under a sky that slides by lumpy with clouds unseen in the night this program tries to make things worse. While the dream phlogiston possesses the sleepers, forgotten later in the glare of day-consciousness, listeners get to keep their prizes. Pussifica T. Catt interviews a hyperactive bowel which has been nominated for a Cabinet post in the Shrub administration. Declaring that alcohol is more than 5,000 years old, and that it's time to get modern, Pope Weaselpenis XVI declares his intention to replace Communion wine with crack at all future ceremonies. Itchy T. Echidna discusses hornswoggling as a viable alternative to economics with a prominent ex-Communist. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday October 27, Back of the Book With Halloween only a few days away your host revels in the only time of the year when no one suggests that he, "take off the mask!" In an international segment, Hector and Anvil do a live remote from Red Square in Moscow, Russia (you know, the country with the red, white and blue flag?) to cover the big parade to celebrate the 74th anniversary of the Communist Revolution. The boys expect to have a lot of free time on this assignment. The video portion of this program will consist of a presentation by Senator Jesse Helms who will attempt to prove that his parentage contains several placental mammals. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday November 10, Back of the Book Pussifica T. Catt interviews a U.S. Senator who makes money on the side by selling canned flatulence. Pope Weaselpenis XVI explains why he has nominated Porky Pig for sainthood. In an Op-Ed piece, Elmer Fudd reveals that Porky is actually the Anti-Christ. If there's time, Space Aliens will deliver the people of earth an ultimatum, otherwise your host will prattle on about what a mess his life is. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday November 24, Back of the Book He's short, he's fat, he's ugly, he's consistently impecunious, he lacks ambition, he's a slob, he's horny, he's your host. From a distance he sees her: The butch woman on the subway. Six feet tall, bicycle shorts, short hair, hairy armpits and a down of hair on her legs, unshaven for who knows how long. She wore a scowl. Can this crush be saved? In a culinary segment, Hector and Anvil find that this year's turkey crop is missing the part where the pinfeathers were supposed to go. Itchy T. Echidna covers the promotion of the new "McBirdButt" sandwich. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday December 8, Back of the Book The trees all look dead, it's cold, it's always dark it seems, hell, are we depressed yet? Holiday season my ass. Pussifica T. Catt interviews a Mr. Bit Bucket who runs a noise recycling plant recently legislated by Congress. Just in time for the stinking religious observations endemic to this time of year, Pope Weaselpenis XVI issues a Papal Bull on the new etiquette for kissing the Papal Cockring. In a political story, Senator Jesse Helms is caught pimping virgin forests to lumberjacks. The video portion of this program will feature nude photos of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. A frustrated department store Santa gives instructions for buggering elves. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin. (A database of absurdities.)
Sunday December 22, Back of the Book Is it Winter yet? All the festive decorations are up, the spirit is in the air, it must be time for holiday food poisoning! Itchy T. Echidna and your host team up to report on their search for the fabled nookie mines, rumored to exist somewhere in Manhattan. As usual in these ventures, your host stands around looking dazed, horny and unable to get any. Speaking of horny, Santa himself drops by and illustrates how he greases a reindeer preparatory to some holiday fun. In a segment on holiday entertaining, Hector and Anvil show how to retrofit antlers to unsuspecting party goers' heads using cyanoacrylate glue and only a couple of long nails. Keeping the X in Xmas it's Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin. (A spreadsheet of non-conformity.)
Sunday January 5, 1992, Back of the Book Included in this special "Children's Hour" episode: Hijinks with Slippery the Clam and Mr. Lungmorsel. In a musical segment Princess Warm and Moist Down There sings a melody called "Sodomy & Syrup." Uncle Inmymouth reads a story; one of THOSE stories. In a vocabulary segment we all turn out the lights until one of the children can spell "flatulence" correctly. In a body parts segment, Officer Punishment pays a visit with his truncheon to play "Painful Places" with the children in the Captive Gallery. In an illness segment Nurse Thermometer discusses crusty discharges with the children, including her own from the Navy some years ago on trumped up charges; "I wuz framed!" she tells the kiddies. The dastardly Mr. Stains gets on his hands and knees to play "Guess My Underwear" with the audience. Live, psychic astrologer Hopeless the Clown predicts the childrens' futures, then sells them insurance. This program's pet segment is titled "Things You Brats Would Be Amazed You Could Do With Gerbils." Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday January 19, 1992, Back of the Book Pussifica T. Catt interviews the long dead, Ancient Greek philosopher Slophead the Academician about his invention of the Vice Presidency of the United States. In a boating segment, Pope Weaselpenis XVI throws pieces of the Sistine Chapel ceiling at small boats in an effort to sink them. Father Horrible Truth assures everyone that everything is all right. Live from the "Stuff This" deli: Hector and Anvil interview a grocer who sells cucumbers which come with a condom already applied, for those who want to be really damned safe. In an Op-Ed piece the group Fundamentalists for Purity in Plantlife protests the sexual abuse of virginal vegetables and insist that information about abortions and birth control be withheld from all produce until they're too old to reproduce. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
February 1992, is missing. There probably was Folio copy for this month, although there was only one program.
Sunday March 1, 1992, Back of the Book Radio slumgullion continues as Pussifica T. Catt interviews the leonine month of March about its schizophrenic desire to become mutton on the plate of the calendar. In a live remote from City Hall, the Mayor makes a special address in an effort to calm fears stemming from the recent sightings of the Loch Ness Monster in the New York City subway. In an equal time segment Pope Weaselpenis XVI notes that he stole the monster from the Scotch fair and square and, since he's paid the $1.25 fare for it, the monster's entitled to stay in the subway. In a home accessories segment, Mr. Bottom illustrates 101 uses for a very greasy lava lamp. Vice President J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III's announcement for National Safety Month is: "Knives are dangerous, they can burn you." Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday March 15, 1992, Back of the Book If we think of radio as a painting then the canvas is your mind. Get gessoed tonight. In a very personal segment Mr. Tooth Decay discusses his years-long affair with Happy Tooth. "This relationship is bound to strike a nerve," they say. One Julius Caesar tells us of his Ides fetish. Hector and Anvil interview Dr. Hirsute who describes how men's whiskers grow fastest when they're not having any sex at all. The next segment of this program has been canceled because your host has tripped over his beard again. Pope Weaselpenis XVI interviews the late St. Patrick about his career. In a revelatory statement St. Patrick tells of driving all the serpents out of Ireland except for his favorite: the one-eyed trouser snake. "I became a real snake charmer that night," says the saint. Karmic Wind Chimes Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday March 29, 1992, Back of the Book Spring is whore! Your host celebrates an anniversary: he has now been struggling for 25 years to get in synch with 1967. In a travel segment, Pussifica T. Catt, guided only by a patented id map, passes over the fleshy interlocutors of pleasure. The video portion of this program will consist of cartoons running in your host's head. Pope Weaselpenis XVI interviews the group Christians for Satan about their new attitude towards religion called "To hell with it." Itchy T. Echidna profiles The Flabbergaster Twins, the world's highest paid flatulence artists, as their "Winds of Doom" tour comes to town. Greasy the Wonder Pervert gives advice on tenderness in relationships. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday April 12, 1992, Back of the Book Pussifica T. Catt hosts a political segement in which a spokescultist from the Charles Manson for President Committee points out Mr. Manson's sterling record: for the past 23 years he hasn't been caught committing a crime, which is more than most politicians can say. In an equal time segment a spokesfascist for the Pat Buchanan for Reichsfuhrer Committee says, in defence of his candidate, that, as with the Viet Nam war, although Mr. Buchanan did not actually murder anyone, he was with the Manson Family in spirit as its members battled the immoral liberals of Southern California back in the '60s. Pope Weaselpenis XVI comments on the latest scandal wherein certain members of the College of Cardinals have been caught in a karma laundering scheme. "So, what's a little extra absolution?" he asks. Plenary indulgences on the half shell will be served at this press conference. In a sports segment Itchy T. Echidna presents the newest competition: immobile skiing. Commenting on video from a specially designed stationary camera Itchy tells a gamey story about a jockstrap he once knew. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday April 26, 1992, Back of the Book Welcome to The Cruellest Month Jamboree! In the video portion of this program Pope Weaselpenis XVI begins his new series designed to make a buck by selling nude holy pictures of the saints. This time around Saint Francis of Assisi tries to get some head from St. John the Baptist. In a fundament segment Senator Jesse Helms discusses his new Senate bill which would mandate that the nether end of every intestine be sewn shut. "Number two is dirty, dirty, dirty! And if nobody can do it, nobody will use those awful four letter words anymore." Senator Helms reasons. In a sports segment from the Ashokan Empire Hector and Anvil host the World Championship of Dharma Body Surfing. Ashoka himself will open the ceremonies. Ashoka will appear on tape delay owing to his having been dead for 2,224 years. The WBAI Etiquette Department will present a segment titled "Pussyfooting Around Capt. Queeg While Sailing in Deep Water." And of course your host will whine about his lack of a sex life. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday May 10, 1992, Back of the Book What is so rare as a day in May? Well, a day in February, if you want to get technical. Pussifica T. Catt interviews a shipload of karma pirates about the impact of their nefarious trade on the global metaphysical economy. In a personalities segment, Itchy T. Echidna interviews Vice President J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III about the art movement that he's in favor of: Expressionlessism. In a politcal segment Hector and Anvil reveal Gov. Bill Clinton's affair with the Lawn Doctor. Gov. Clinton claims that, although he was surrounded by grass, he didn't actually cut any, and of course he never inhales. The video portion of this program will feature an aerial gladiatorial combat between Commando Cody and the Flying Nun. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday May 24, 1992, Back of the Book Pope Weaselpenis XVI publicly excommunicates the Flying Nun, something about a bet he lost. Senator Jesse Helms discusses his lateest Senate proposal: from now on the government will only sanction exhibits of Expressionlessism. Given the nice weather, we will provide live remote coverage of Capt. Queeg's latest scheme to make money: a pubic hair yard sale.
Sunday June 7, 1992, Back of the Book In this fine, late Spring season we once again bring you the radio equivalent of road kill. Pope Weaselpenis XVI reveals plans to initiate a new unit of Church hierarchy to be called the Buggery Bishop. Itchy T. Echidna hosts a political/philosophical segment featuring a debate on the merits of Communism vs. Oligarchical Collectivism. The word "sucks" occurs frequently. in a home security segment, Pussifica T. Catt highlights the latest craze: attack pangolins. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday June 21, 1992, Back of the Book Your Politically Incorrect, bisexual host will probably go on a bit about this being gay & lesbian pride month, and talk about the gay & lesbian pride week we're all about to enter. Having been involved with these issues for over 22 years, he'll probably tell some old stories of long ago movement activities that no one would approve of today (Avenge Sodom & Gomorrah!). He may vaguely remember having once been young, no guarantee there though. That was a long time ago. He'll prattle on about his lack of a sex life, and remember, through the mists of time, having once won the pocket pool championship of Park Slope, Brooklyn. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday July 5, 1992, Back of the Book In a timely health segment Pussifica T. Catt shows various ways of removing spent fireworks rockets from one's buttockal processes. Also: Summer Olympics coverage from high atop the fabulous WBAI Racing Tortoise. In a startling piece of investigative journalism, Itchy T. Echidna interviews Bigfoot, who claims to have recently given birth to Elvis' love child. Docu-fakery of the most exquisite nature is the goal of Hector and Anvil as they illustrate the big bucks to be made in the fast paced world of penguin teeth brokering (detailed drawing and materials list available, unless requested). Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday July 19, 1992, Back of the Book From the very brink of mid-Summer it's crimethought in bulk! The video portion of this program will consist of live coverage of the Olympic high speed enema competition. The Communists have always won this event in the past, but team Captain Richard M. Nixon is confident that the right wing will score a great sports victory this Olympiad. Pope Weaselpenis XVI reveals his latest art-treasure acquisition: the mummy of Vladimir I. Ulyanov (aka Nik Lenin), which he plans to de-clothe for exhibition in a pornographic holy picture featuring St. Joan of Arc. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
August 1992, is missing. There was probably no Folio copy this month.
Sunday September 13, 1992, Back of the Book To the disappointment of some, who shall remain nameless (but you can look them up elsewhere in this publication), this radio program celebrates its Sixth Anniversary tonight! We'll reminisce about the show for a while, generate some irrelevant yak, and of course we'll Read Franz Kafka's "Before the Law." Follow the bouncing transistor and read along. And of course you'll hear about your host's amazingly dreary life and The National Debris Preserve where he lives. We bid a lukewarm farewell to Summer. Celebratory Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (Positive Proof That Radio Has Fallen Into The Wrong Hands).
Sunday September 27, 1992, Back of the Book Autumn! The heat is off! We begin now our long journey into the darkness of Winter. In a three-lobed medical segment, Pussifica T. Catt interviews Dr. Vacant about the phrenology of the Headless Horseman, J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III gets treatment for a stubbed potatoe, and the R. Paul Martin Discount Sperm Bank and Nail Salon opens. Fresh from his recent religious victory in re-opening the Vatican Whorehouse, Pope Weaselpenis XVI declares the Chia Pet a sacrament. In an economic segment, Itchy T. Echidna interviews Professor Lumpenproletariat who discusses the karma retread factory he has just opened, his slogan is "Life Sucks!" And of course your host will be begging for money over the air. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday October 11, 1992, Back of the Book Chrissy K. Columbus had a premonition precisely 500 years ago. "Eureka!" he shouted, "In 500 years 'Back of the Book' will be on the air!" After this event his life was all downhill, viz. WBAI's biggest "Dump on Columbus Day" ever. In an educational segment, Pussifica T. Catt does a live remote from the Leopold & Loeb Daycare Center where the children put on their blindfolds and play an all too quick game of "Strangle Me!" Pope Weaselpenis XVI, angered over the Blessed Virgin Mary claiming she couldn't show up for the program because of all the other places she has to go to these days, interviews her ex-hubby St. Joseph, who's a REAL virgin. Joe says, "Being married to a goddamned Blessed Virgin sucks, which is another thing she wouldn't do." The broadcast version of cacography, Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday October 25, 1992, Back of the Book The entire video portion of this program was filmed on location in Nowheresville. Senator Jesse Helms discusses how he rose to the top of the heap to win our French Kiss a Corpse contest. Runner-up Pat Buchanan complains that he would have beaten the Senator had more of Adolph Hitler's remains been available for osculation. Legal Editor Itchy T. Echidna covers the current lawsuit Oz vs. Wonderland which is over a patent on fantasy. This segment features detailed photographs of the hair-pulling, groin kneeing, spitting fight on the courthouse steps between Dorothy and Alice. In a medical metaphysics segment Dr. Disorder, author of the pamphlet "Entropy is my Friend," discusses his new procedure called Karmic liposuction. Hector and Anvil cover the Slippery Face Off between Teflon and Wriggle, the Wonder Sperm. We will also have an infomercial spot for the Flatulence Club for Men -where your host is not only the President, he's also a client. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday November 8, 1992, Back of the Book Twenty four years ago today your host first set foot in that bastion of liberty, integrity and honor The Republic of Viet Nam. Expect comments: A) appropriate, B) otherwise. In a segment on rising unemployment Pussifica T. Catt interviews J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III. They share a joint together and The Squeakster muses on what his daddy will buy him next. In a related story, George Shrub dons a cape and mask and declares that, beginning in January, he will henceforth be known as "The Prince of Dorkness." In this new job he will swap guns for hostages and protect powerful drug dealers. In a theatrical segment Pat Buchanan and Pat Robertson take their one act play "Two Pats From Under Some Rock" on the road. It recently won the Best Neo-Nazi Propaganda award from the Adolph Hitler Institute for Right Wing Crap. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday November 22, 1992, Back of the Book The radio equivalent of shadow puppets continues with the premiere of our Autumn serial "Wackdoodle meets the Hairy Monster!" Itchy T. Echidna interviews people whose kneecaps resemble movie stars. Pope Weaselpenis XVI reveals his latest religious money making scheme: sacramental sex lubricant. In a consumer segment, your host talks about his experiences when he successfully filed for a factory rebate on his sex life. Mr. Mondo Moda, Fashion Editor, discusses underground pets. Having disposed of some political turkeys earlier this month, the nation prepares to gobble some more up in a few days. However, Hector & Anvil, unable to score any deceased turkey flesh, explore interdigitation of vulval and penile parts which, when repeated enough times, produces a fine sauce. Finger Lickin' Good Free Form live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday December 6, 1992, Back of the Book Due to the graphic nature of this program you are advised to only listen to it. In an unemployment segment, Pussifica T. Catt interviews your host about losing his position as toll taker on the Hershey Highway. In a live remote J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III tries his luck as a singer in the Chez Goofy Lounge. Getting into the swing of the holiday season Pope Weaselpenis XVI inaugurates his latest money making scheme: Torture A Saint! For only five bucks you can heap serious physical abuse on a specially chosen passive psycho, who will forgive you and thank you afterwards. The Perverted Pontiff says that this will soon be a major sacrament. Itchy T. Echidna talks with Mr. Lunatic who demands a ransom or else he's going to make the moon disappear on December 9. Right, him and that pesky Elvis. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday December 20, 1992, Back of the Book The WBAI Grammar Dept. brings you radio from beyond the event horizon as an alternative to stinking holidays. In a geopolitical segment, the evil Santa Claus attempts to take over the world with his elves. However, at the last moment the Tooth Fairy and Tinkerbelle team up to kick ass, and save us all. In a live medical segment, Hector & Anvil cover an ear wax transplant performed at the Luddite Scientific Laboratories. In line with everyone else making a buck on the annual loss of fiscal discipline Pope Weaselpenis XVI opens the Jesus H. Christ phone sex line! Ask him what he's wearing, ask him if he's a virgin like his mother. Into S&M? Then whip him, beat him and nail the Savior, all for the price of a phone call. The radio equivalent of a fire hazard: Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday January 3, 1993, Back of the Book In his last environmental act, George Bush issues an Executive Order to gather all Xmas trees from around the nation and burn them. The lame dork President then drops his drawers and moons the gigantic blaze in an effort to REALLY show them thar liberals what global warming is! Comments about "Senator Ozone" can be heard above the roar of the fire. Pussifica T. Catt reports on a breaking news story: crazed, rogue Chia Pets have escaped their cardboard prisons and are reportedly committing unnatural sex acts upon innocent shrubbery. In a related story, J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III attempts to blackmail Santa Claus so he can stay on as Vice President; something about underage elves, Frosty the Snowman and just how Rudolph got that nose. All is for naught when it turns out that Mrs. Claus is kinky and has had videotapes of these hijinks for years. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday January 17, 1993, Back of the Book Twenty five years ago yesterday your bisexual host got drafted into the filthy, stinking, corrupt, inept, disgusting, worthless U.S. army (which your host has refused to capitalize for that entire quarter century). Talk about gays in the military, your host was boffing soldiers long before it became fashionable. So you're undoubtedly going to hear a whole lot about what it was like to get drafted 'way back when there was an illegal, undeclared war on. Discover why supply sergeants are the lowest form of life in the known universe! Hear about food that constipates you for a full week! And if they didn't want anybody gay in the military why did they tell us to line up in a tight line and "Make your buddy smile?" Very Anti-Military Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday January 31, 1993, Back of the Book So now that we've got new bozos in the White House Itchy T. Echidna presses the new V.P. for a definition of the term "Tipper." In a religious business segment, Pope Weaselpenis XVI interviews a pair of entrepreneurs who have bought the grave site of the late Ayatollah Khomeini and have turned it into the most popular pay toilet in any desert. Hector & Anvil provide a video essay on the newest no-tech gonad pumping scheme: the psychic sex line. You don't need a phone, you don't need a credit card, all you need are hyperactive hormones, telepathic abilities and some disposable karma. At last! A way to spend that good karma you've been uselessly building up for all of these lifetimes! Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (who has been passing his seed through the fire to Molech for a long time.)
Sunday February 14, 1993, Back of the Book The radio version of the Slotted Spoon Test continues to slip around. Pussifica T. Catt covers the story of a group of people who are proposing to cross the Atlantic Ocean on an inflated ego. A dispute erupts amid the ego pumps and gas bags about whether or not this has already been done by a great many politicians and actors. In a governmental segment Itchy T. Echidna talks with Senator Sourpuss, who has just proposed a high cheekbone tax. In a completely metaphysical segment your host interviews a man who has given up his position as a high powered, executive karma pirate to become a beach bum on the shores of the River Styx. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (who has recently achieved the status of surplus population).
Sunday February 28, 1993, Back of the Book In Chapter 75 of our Winter serial "Wackdoodle Meets the Hairy Monster" our eponymous hero meets the evil Senator Helms, who lives in the Land of the Burning Books. Pope Weaselpenis XVI initiates a new money making sacrament based on gender transition surgery. His slogan is, "Done just pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary, BECOME the Blessed Virgin - Mary!" The Perverted Pontiff discusses the focus group findings that some people would pay even more to become Mary Magdalene. Being Blessed is one thing, but becoming a Virgin is entirely another matter. Hector & Anvil interview Mr. Harmful Impurities, Environmental Commissar of West Hell, about his new proposal to market leaded water to go with leaded crystal glasses for formal occasions. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday March 14, 1993, Back of the Book In Chapter 162 of our Winter serial "Wackdoodle Meets the Hairy Monster," the New York City Board of Education agrees that Wackdoodle is their unanimous choice for Schools Chancellor because of his total lack of a brain (just what they want!). Pussifica T. Catt interviews Mr. Escherichia Coli of the militant Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Mildew about his organization's current blitz of demonstrations against clean bathrooms. (In the interest of disclosure it should be pointed out that you host has received an award from Mr. Coli's organization.) Pope Weaselpenis XVI prepares for St. Patrick's Day by debuting a new line of Sacred Sex Toys. Among the blessed items are: the motorized St. Patrick's Dildo, makes you all green from the inside out, the Jesus H. Chris Crack Pipe, one toke and you can actually see Him, a book about S&M in the church titled "The Story of Cardinal O'," and others. The Polymorphously Perverse Pontiff expects to make a fast buck off the faithful before they all end up in the Holy Drunk Tank. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday March 28, 1993, Back of the Book Spring is here! Your host tells of his Winter sojourn through the Land of Depression on an RV. In a sports segment, Itchy T. Echidna, who is covering the Master Reincarnationist Olympics, brings us live coverage of the Dry Pool High Diving competition, and the Russian Roulette Slalom. The theme of this year's games is, "I'll be back!" In a business segment, Itchy T. Echidna interviews J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III about his new venture: an all natural cockroach ice cream, "Nothing artificial!" he claims. Hector and Anvil interview Senator Jesse Helms (R) S.C., who contends that he really is a nice, decent guy, it's just that he's been channelling Adolph Hitler for the past few decades without realizing he had these psychic abilities. Free Form live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
April 1993, is missing. There was very probably Folio copy for this month.
Sunday May 9, 1993, Back of the Book Pussifica T. Catt reports on the efforts of the Wacky Boneheads Air Interviewers to get more people to subscribe to their publication called the "Oilof." They have decided that the best way to serve their subscribers is to deliver to them not the eleven issues they promised, and which said subscribers have already paid for, but only six issues per year. Interviewed are the General Mangler of the organization, and other amateur rocket scientists who failed remedial arithmetic. In a quasi-related story, Itchy T. Echidna interviews farmer Turquoise about the economic impact of his invention of the seedless peanut. "That's agribiz," says the farmer. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (firstname.lastname@example.org.).
Sunday May 23, 1993, Back of the Book So is it a nice Spring so far? Probably doesn't matter to your host who may still be in his Winter depression. With birds trying to make nests in his beard, why should he think Spring is any better than November? In a political/sports segment Hector and Anvil profile the members of the U.S. Olympic Doofus Team which is headed by former Vice President J. Danforth "Squeaky" Quayle III. Members of the Team show their acuity at getting lost, being unable to find their own fannies with both hands (flashlights allowed division) and being second fiddle to a real dork. In a critter's rights segment, Pussifica T. Catt interviews the leaders of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Mildew, which is holding a demonstration against bathroom cleansers, "Grout is a right!" they say. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (email@example.com.)
Sunday June 6, 1993, Back of the Book Whatever happens today, it can't be as dicey as things were for some folks who went to the beach forty nine years ago this morning in Normandy, France. In a Springtime women's religious swimwear segment Pope Weaselpenis XVI premieres the Jesus H. Christ Bikini, which consists entirely of strategically placed beard hair. Also shown is the Blessed Virgin Mary swim-and-chastity-suit which is not only waterproof, but is armored and covers all bodily orifices. The Perverted Pontiff is rushing to market with his unisex, head to ankle swimsuit with the slogan, "Men have nipples too!" This swimsuit is now mandatory for all Faithful. He also reveals his new swimsuit dispensation ritual which will be available only to altar boys and choir girls. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (firstname.lastname@example.org.).
Sunday June 20, 1993, Back of the Book This is the beginning of Gay & Lesbian Pride Week. Your bisexual host will probably wax prolix on all of this as usual, and talk about having been associated with the gay and lesbian (and bisexual?) movement for 23 years. In one week he will insist that it's really Christopher St. Liberation Day, which commemorates the day when a liberation movement was born in violence and a shared resolution not to conform to society's pre-conceived notions. Your host will probably also talk about his politically incorrect horniness, and how he now has the opportunity to strike out with every gender these days. He will probably also talk about the current movement agreement on the construction "bi" for people such as himself. This to avoid the word "sex" being associated with the movement. Huh!?! Freaking Fag Revolutionary Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin (email@example.com.).
Sunday July 4, 1993, Back of the Book Tonight we play a swift game of "Can your host get to the radio station without getting blown up?" After the annual American ritual of celebrating the Fourth of July with a total breakdown of the social order, your bisexual host will bloviate on his experiences vis-a-vis last week's Gay & Lesbian Pride activities. Was he the most politically incorrect person of the entire weekend? Are diminutive, hairy endomorphs in demand by other bisexuals this season? Tune in and find out. The video portion of this program will begin our Summer blockbuster serial "Whackdoodle Gets All Moist Down There" Chapter 1: Kidnapped By A Wet Dream! Senator Jesse Helms, (R) South Carolina, plays himself. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday July 18, 1993, Back of the Book In a metaphysical medical segment, Pussifica T. Catt interviews Dr. Herpes, a psychic surgeon who illustrates his revolutionary method for treating a patient who has aspirated his consciousness. The doc (fittingly, a doctor only in his own mind) attempts to restore homeostasis of the psyche. In a political segment "Mighty" Bill Clinton, Backbone of the Nation, discourses on The transcendental cosmic significance of prattle and meaningless drivel, and how it can get you elected to damned near anything. In our Summer serial "Whackdoodle Gets All Moist Down There" Chapter 44: Aren't You Going To Use Any Grease?! Mad sex scientist Wet Dream prepares to show Whackdoodle what the point of his argument really is. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday August 1, 1993, Back of the Book In a legislative segment, Itchy T. Echidna covers the current round of lobbying going on for and against a new bill introduced by Senator Jesse Helms which would outlaw the birds and the bees because of their notorious activities, of which the Senator disapproves. "Tipper" Gore lobbies for a watered down version which would only outlaw songs about birds and bees. In a ceremony carried by satellite, Pope Weaselpenis XVI canonizes Onan. Immediately controversial is whether St. Onan will be the patron saint of slippery stuff on the ground (the oil lobby), or of casting one's seed upon the ground (the agribiz lobby). In "Whackdoodle Gets All Moist Down There" Chapter 277: Wow, I Didn't Think I'd Like It, But I Did! Wet Dream captures the entire Vienna Boys' Choir and shows them that there are things in life more fun than singing. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday August 15, 1993, Back of the Book In a rights segment, Pussifica T. Catt interviews General Colon Bowel, who insists that he doesn't want anyone else in the military but himself. The general accuses everyone else of engaging in "unacceptable digestive practices," which could disrupt the military. This being the Feast of the Assumption, Pope Weaselpenis XVI sets up a blessed booth with a sacred telescope so that all the faithful who can afford to will get a sacramental look up the dress of the Blessed Virgin Mary as she re-enacts her journey to heaven. Itchy T. Echidna covers a strike at a histrionics factory where the workers are demanding that management stop, just stop! In an equal time segment, management insists that it just does everything around there and no one appreciates it! In "Whackdoodle Gets All Moist Down There" Chapter 1,257: Attack Of The Crab Monsters, a secret is revealed about borrowed underwear. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday August 29, 1993, Back of the Book By the time this show hits the air your host will be 46 years old. He can hardly believe it. Hector and Anvil cover the annual Anal Retentive's Conference, which has a really detailed brochure. The theme for this year's activities is "Constipation - Your Secret Friend." Pussifica T. Catt discusses the new Movement Kit which, when held in your urine stream, tells you if you're politically correct. In the thrilling conclusion of our Summer serial "Whackdoodle Gets All Moist Down There" Chapter 3,756 Who's Gonna Pick Up The Soap? Whackdoodle discovers that Wet Dream and Senator Helms are the same person. Listen in to find out if Whackdoodle survives his final encounter with The Queen of Flatulence. Free Form live Radio by R. Paul Martin. (Serving the mouth-breathing public for almost a fourteenth of a century.)
Sunday September 12, 1993, Back of the Book Despite the wishes of WE KNOW WHO this will be the Seventh Anniversary Program of Back of the Book! We will go through the usual rituals, and read the usual Kafka story ("Before the Law"). As we go to press we receive word of the passing of Senior Correspondent Pussifica T. Catt, by ailurocide at the hands of an animal rights activist. We mourn Pussifica even though he was not of our species. We mourn him as a colleague who was also a target of the Stalin/Pol Pot mentalities which are given free rein and full reign all over our electromagnetic pocket of resistance in Always Always land. The shared commonality of trying to survive, while WE KNOW WHO try to thwart or minimize such survival, transcended species and quadra/bi-pedal differences. We will miss Pussifica T. Catt. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday September 26, 1993, Back of the Book In a paleontological legal segment Itchy T. Echidna covers the Natural History District Attorney's revelation of the details of the indictment of an unnamed filthy, stinking purple dinosaur for having murdered all the other dinosaurs. In honor of the new season we kick off the WBAI Autumn Hemorrhoid Theater. Tonight's premiere offering concerns hemorrhoids being oppressed by people who sit excessively. It's titled "Jurassic Park?" Hector and Anvil do a metaphysical psychiatric segment and interview Dr. Phlogiston about his controversial treatment of opening up the psychic Kingston valves and letting the ether flow in. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday October 10, 1993, Back of the Book In a superstitious segment Pope Weaselpenis XVI has an exclusive interview with the Blessed Virgin Mary in her fabulous home among the clouds in West Heaven. "My boy got it for me," she says, "I knew that that excessively strict potty training would pay off eventually." She then tells the Perverted Pontiff about her plans for her new talk show which she'll be hosting later this Fall. "I plan on giving a hell of a lot of advice about sex," the Virgin Mary says. Asked about her reputation of having the filthiest mouth of any of the big-time saints she replies, "Christ! I named him y'know so I can say that. But I'll just have to watch my mouth. I've got a lot of discipline you know. Remember, I haven't gotten any since the year zero!" Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday October 24, 1993, Back of the Book In a lead-off meat eater gourmet segment Chef Merde Zut interviews Mr. Yakmouth Tinytinkler, M.F.A. about his specialty - vegetarian spiritualism. In a radio seance conducted from his home, Mr. Tinytinkler manifests ghostly legumes, the spirits of departed potatoes. The vegetative spirits discuss their disappointment at being targeted for genocide by those who would make them the only Politically Correct food. But, typically, they're not very animated about it all. Additionally, gay male cucumbers talk out their disgust at the way they are treated by some women. In the video portion of this program Hector and Anvil cover the controversy over the Senator Jesse Helms mask which has been found to be too frightening for small children, and defenders of the First Amendment. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday November 7, 1993, Back of the Book Twenty five years before this program, your host was about to hop on a merry C.I.A. airliner and go to defend the honor, integrity and glory of The Republic of Viet Nam, which at that moment was ruled by a presidential assassin whose predecessor had murdered his own ... well, you get the idea. No doubt about what the main topic of this one's going to be. It is also approximately mid-Autumn for this program. The days are noticeably short, and they'll get shorter for six more weeks. Interviewed is the founder of The Depression Club for Humans, who will scrape the joy and light from under your toenails and transplant it into furrows he plows in your psyche. He's not just the president, he's also a client. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday November 21, 1993, Back of the Book The video portion of this program will feature clips from the new martial arts series filmed entirely in the National Debris Preserve; don't miss the premiere of "Grunge Foo!" A production of the WBAI Hygiene Department. Ennui The Hedgehog, our newest Back of the Book correspondent, covers the "Dew Off the Lily" convention held by the National Association of Trouser Snakes in the world famous Wiggle Room of the Hotel Ophidian in fabulous mid-town Manhattan. Psycho-herpetologist Dr. Aaron Rod talks about the snakes that crawl up the inside of your dreams and wrap themselves around your limbic system - squeezing the norepinephrine right out of your socks. The scales of Just Ice will fall from your eyeballs after the Doc clues you in to the mind niches you've always had waiting for the arrival of our slithering, cold blooded ancestors. No Mere Legless Lizard Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday December 5, 1993, Back of the Book Total darkness in the middle of the afternoon, freezing cold, miserable weather, it's time for the annual Sociopaths On Parade event held in the streets of New York City! Itchy T. Echidna, from high above the mayhem in the WBAI Blimp, which is powered entirely by hot air, describes the traditional assault on the reviewing stand by the participants. Pope Weaselpenis XVI declares miraculous the vision of the Blessed Virgin Mary which has been found on the bottom of your host's shoe. The new Shrine of the Sacred Size 8 will open as soon as they can do something about that odor problem. In an economics travel segment, karma pirates show how to charge hallucinatory sex acts in foreign countries to someone else's soul. Resisting The Beau Monde For More Than a Fourteenth Of A Century Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
Sunday December 19, 1993, Back of the Book Our final program of 1993, says goodbye to Autumn with a round of the Horsewhip Santa Game! Fat old red ass wiggling around trying to avoid the crack of the whip, jolly old elf whiskers flying everywhere, Season's Ranklings to everyone! In a religious architectural segment, Pope Weaselpenis XVI guides us through the new Spiritual Vomitorium he has infallibly declared must now be attached to every confessional. The Faithful are seen upchucking their mortal sins, and dribbling a few venial ones, right after an Act of Contrition. In line with the greed and cheap religiosity of the season the video portion of this program will consist of the classic parable "The Abbess and the Electric Sin Machine." It's about getting a buzz on in a nunnery. Bah! Humbug! Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.
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